Johnnersintheraw's Blog

April 25, 2010

Unless I Say This, I Shall Go Mad

Filed under: Comedy,Comedy Rants,Rancid Comedy,Really Dumb,Twisted Fables,Uncategorized — johnnersintheraw @ 7:47 am

This is not a whinge about Alexandria, or about Egypt, or about little men with bruises on their foreheads, or about the role of women in society.  I’ve already said enough about these topics; they are done and dusted.  Plus you can read everything that’s ever been written about them simply by checking the Internet.  Believe me, it’s all there: the good, the bad, the even worse, and the even worse than that.

I happen to love words.  Some people many have grand passions for women or men, or even for themselves – especially if they happen to be of a mind to recreated the world in their own image.  Having failed singularly to create anything at all, much less to recreate the world, I have been forced to narrow my horizons slightly.

And my world is words and telling stories.  And when I am not doing either of these two things, I am watching and listening and absorbing everything that slips through my metrosexual pores and into my febrile mind.

It goes without saying that there is nothing funnier (or more disturbing) that the misuse of words.  I’m not talking about the evolution of words, about how their meanings shift from one year to another, or from one country to another.  And I’m not talking about the purple posturing of sports commentators, or even the demeaning and sometimes criminally dishonest diarrhoea perpetuated by government and big business.  Or even about the blatant ignorance and cultural ‘thuggery’ of many commonly used English-as-a-SecondLanguage curriculums (yes, I managed to slip that one in, too).

What I cannot understand is the almost deliberate uglificiation of words.  The cheapening of language.  The sort of language that’s spoken by those dumbfucks who are so bloody lazy – or conceited – that they’ve reduced the world of ideas to ‘ten monosyllabic grunts or fewer’ – (or, as the people at Walmart might say, ’10 words or less’). What’s more, they seem to be proud of it. In other words, they are the kind of nincompoop that jeers at anyone who makes an effort to speak properly, calling them elitist.  And lest you misunderstand me, I am not talking about people with an educational or social disadvantage.

Now, before I go too far and mention that many of these nincompoops seem to be employed by NewsCorp, let’s cut to the chase.  In other words, what the fuck am I talking about?

Butt-crack!  Why butt-crack?  For what fucking reason would anyone choose to include this incredibly asinine term in their conversations?  Yes, granted, according to the Oxford Wordpower English-Arabic Dictionary (the ultimate authority on everything, except for all the words every eleven-year-old boy wants to know), the only definition of crack that might even remotely apply is, “a narrow opening,” to which is appended, “the wind blew through the crack…” Now, even I will admit that there is a certain poetic elegance to that.

It seems to me that, up until now, the emphasis has always been on the buttocks, or on the anus.  Regards the latter, if you are going to use arsehole, use arsehole; do not use asshole.  I realise many Americans don’t know the difference between a donkey and an anus any more than they seem to know a tortoise from a turtle, but don’t take it out on the poor, blighted donkey.  They are the workers of the world; in many countries commerce would grind to a halt without them.  For fuck’s sake, they have enough problems as it is.  You can be an ugly American if you like, but don’t take it out on the hardworking asses.  Your arse can speak out and defend itself; an ass cannot.  It’s too busy working (literally) twenty-four hours a day hauling vegetables or furniture; one word out if it and it gets beaten.  Mind you,…..

So endeth the lecture for today.

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